How do I love thee?..... Ok....so last night we had the elder's over & Mr. Spencer....can't remember his first name. :)
Anyway.....we were talking about marriage & the family......oh man, it was so cool!!!!!
My boys picked ME before they left heaven, to be their mommy!!!!!! Whoa!!!!! Brain overload!!!! I guess I never really thought about it that deeply before. I mean, I know we were all in heaven before we were born. And I think I even knew the Johnson family in heaven. Cuz I think we were great friends. And as each of us left heaven, I bet we said to the others that were waiting to be born......."See you on the other side!!!!" :)
So, if I would have thought about it a little deeper, YEAH!!!!!!, my kids knew me!!!!! Oh wow, that they picked me. That they thought I would be worthy enough to be their mom. I mean......they were not just an egg!!! They picked ME!!!!!! Whoa!!!! Now the responsibility for me to measure up is even more important. They thought I would be able to help them get back to our Heavenly Father. Wow!!!!!! What responsibility & what a cool blessing & what a cool honor & what a cool form of flattery. That they thought I worthy to raise them with Kingdom principles!!!!! To help them make it back to our Father!!!!!
Ok, so then later I was telling Mr. Spencer about the blessings that David & I both received in less than 2 days. David got a 20% bonus for the month of May. That is the first bonus the shop has gotten in over a year!!!!!! And David got to work a little over time 2 days this week!!! Then I had 2 mom's ask me if their child could come an extra day....that is extra $ then I have 1 child that wasn't supposed to be here this week or next week, but she is not going to her dad's in St. Louis til after next week, so that was extra income blessing. I mean.....David just yapped at me for spending money...saying that I spent to much on groceries & blah blah blah......but it is not that I spent anymore it is that his hours have been down for over 2 months.....we are talking like a few hundred $'s......so I told him that we have been spending the same on groceries, we just don't have the same income.....so, that is what I was complaining to David about......then a day later God blesses us with lots of income!!!! Man, what a heal I am. A whiner...........Anyway, Mr. Spencer says that it is good that I see things as blessings. He was kind of .......I don't know if he knows what kind of a Christian I was before coming to LDS.....but my faith is strong.....well, kinda.....sometimes it takes me awhile to figure stuff out, but then I eventually get it.....
So, we were talking about blessings & I told Mr. Spencer....."In a really weird, bizarre kind of way.....that my brother's death was a blessing........a very PAINFUL blessing, but a blessing....." Then I started to tell him about the night that Dougie died & how I cried to God & asked him to take me instead cuz I was ready (spiritually) to meet Him......I cried & begged God to raise Dougie...cuz he raised Lazarus & he had been dead for 3 days.....I really expected God to raise Dougie!!!!! Here is how it was a blessing......cuz if Dougie wouldn't have died, my pain wouldn't have been so unbearable that my friend Donna wouldn't have felt that pain. Then she wouldn't have sent the elder's to me.....then we wouldn't be baptized & have the Holy Ghost & going to Father to live forever...together.....then my boy's wouldn't be able to be baptized for their Uncle Dougie.....then we wouldnt' have our family back together. So......a weird, bizarre kind of very PAINFUL blessing......
Mr. Spencer says that God didnt' take me cuz I am the mommy.....lil momma....that is what my brother & my sister's call/called me. Cuz I always took care of them. And cuz I am gonna take care of Dougie now too.....Mr. Spencer says that when we go to Temple to be baptized for Dougie....Dougie will know it is from us.....I know Dougie will receive these blessings from us.....he knows I am a no nonsense kinda girl when it comes to Father & His ways......Mr. Spencer says that Dougie will know it from us & that in the Temple, we may be able to feel Dougie & Dougie feel us, cuz the veil is thin & the Spirit is thick in the Temple. I can't wait to go to the Temple!!!! Anyway, Mr. Spencer says that I am starting to connect the dots....
So, I am in bed last night.....reflecting on our 'discussion'. Thinking about how much I love my Heavenly Father & about the dots that are starting to connect for me, in my head.......so then I remembered a prayer that I prayed for months, before I ever met the elder's. I would tell Heavenly Father how much I loved him....I would pray & say....."Father God, I love you so much....I love you with all of my heart.....I love you with all that I am.....and with all that I am not....I love you with all that I know how to love.....and if that love is not enough, I pray that you teach me to love you the way that you would want me to love you......" So, I am thinking about this prayer that I have prayed many, many, many times over the past few months.....almost every night........Then I was thinking about the thee & thou & the crossed arms & the reverence & if this is what God really wants? or does he like the more charismatic jumping around?......so as I was thinking about the new ways I have been seeing & hearing.....I remembered my prayer to my Heavenly Father......to teach me!!!! Then 2 more dots were connected!!!!! I get it!!!! This is truly the way I can love my Father!!!!! I have done the charismatic way, and though I do absolutely believe that he accepts & honors that worship, I believe that this is the way that He would prefer!!!!! So, I asked My Father to teach me, to show me......and He sent Donna & her strange Old English prayers to me!!! ;)
Wow....what a journey this has been & continues to be.
Be blessed & until we blog again!!! Cheryl
Anyway.....we were talking about marriage & the family......oh man, it was so cool!!!!!
My boys picked ME before they left heaven, to be their mommy!!!!!! Whoa!!!!! Brain overload!!!! I guess I never really thought about it that deeply before. I mean, I know we were all in heaven before we were born. And I think I even knew the Johnson family in heaven. Cuz I think we were great friends. And as each of us left heaven, I bet we said to the others that were waiting to be born......."See you on the other side!!!!" :)
So, if I would have thought about it a little deeper, YEAH!!!!!!, my kids knew me!!!!! Oh wow, that they picked me. That they thought I would be worthy enough to be their mom. I mean......they were not just an egg!!! They picked ME!!!!!! Whoa!!!! Now the responsibility for me to measure up is even more important. They thought I would be able to help them get back to our Heavenly Father. Wow!!!!!! What responsibility & what a cool blessing & what a cool honor & what a cool form of flattery. That they thought I worthy to raise them with Kingdom principles!!!!! To help them make it back to our Father!!!!!
Ok, so then later I was telling Mr. Spencer about the blessings that David & I both received in less than 2 days. David got a 20% bonus for the month of May. That is the first bonus the shop has gotten in over a year!!!!!! And David got to work a little over time 2 days this week!!! Then I had 2 mom's ask me if their child could come an extra day....that is extra $ then I have 1 child that wasn't supposed to be here this week or next week, but she is not going to her dad's in St. Louis til after next week, so that was extra income blessing. I mean.....David just yapped at me for spending money...saying that I spent to much on groceries & blah blah blah......but it is not that I spent anymore it is that his hours have been down for over 2 months.....we are talking like a few hundred $'s......so I told him that we have been spending the same on groceries, we just don't have the same income.....so, that is what I was complaining to David about......then a day later God blesses us with lots of income!!!! Man, what a heal I am. A whiner...........Anyway, Mr. Spencer says that it is good that I see things as blessings. He was kind of .......I don't know if he knows what kind of a Christian I was before coming to LDS.....but my faith is strong.....well, kinda.....sometimes it takes me awhile to figure stuff out, but then I eventually get it.....
So, we were talking about blessings & I told Mr. Spencer....."In a really weird, bizarre kind of way.....that my brother's death was a blessing........a very PAINFUL blessing, but a blessing....." Then I started to tell him about the night that Dougie died & how I cried to God & asked him to take me instead cuz I was ready (spiritually) to meet Him......I cried & begged God to raise Dougie...cuz he raised Lazarus & he had been dead for 3 days.....I really expected God to raise Dougie!!!!! Here is how it was a blessing......cuz if Dougie wouldn't have died, my pain wouldn't have been so unbearable that my friend Donna wouldn't have felt that pain. Then she wouldn't have sent the elder's to me.....then we wouldn't be baptized & have the Holy Ghost & going to Father to live forever...together.....then my boy's wouldn't be able to be baptized for their Uncle Dougie.....then we wouldnt' have our family back together. So......a weird, bizarre kind of very PAINFUL blessing......
Mr. Spencer says that God didnt' take me cuz I am the mommy.....lil momma....that is what my brother & my sister's call/called me. Cuz I always took care of them. And cuz I am gonna take care of Dougie now too.....Mr. Spencer says that when we go to Temple to be baptized for Dougie....Dougie will know it is from us.....I know Dougie will receive these blessings from us.....he knows I am a no nonsense kinda girl when it comes to Father & His ways......Mr. Spencer says that Dougie will know it from us & that in the Temple, we may be able to feel Dougie & Dougie feel us, cuz the veil is thin & the Spirit is thick in the Temple. I can't wait to go to the Temple!!!! Anyway, Mr. Spencer says that I am starting to connect the dots....
So, I am in bed last night.....reflecting on our 'discussion'. Thinking about how much I love my Heavenly Father & about the dots that are starting to connect for me, in my head.......so then I remembered a prayer that I prayed for months, before I ever met the elder's. I would tell Heavenly Father how much I loved him....I would pray & say....."Father God, I love you so much....I love you with all of my heart.....I love you with all that I am.....and with all that I am not....I love you with all that I know how to love.....and if that love is not enough, I pray that you teach me to love you the way that you would want me to love you......" So, I am thinking about this prayer that I have prayed many, many, many times over the past few months.....almost every night........Then I was thinking about the thee & thou & the crossed arms & the reverence & if this is what God really wants? or does he like the more charismatic jumping around?......so as I was thinking about the new ways I have been seeing & hearing.....I remembered my prayer to my Heavenly Father......to teach me!!!! Then 2 more dots were connected!!!!! I get it!!!! This is truly the way I can love my Father!!!!! I have done the charismatic way, and though I do absolutely believe that he accepts & honors that worship, I believe that this is the way that He would prefer!!!!! So, I asked My Father to teach me, to show me......and He sent Donna & her strange Old English prayers to me!!! ;)
Wow....what a journey this has been & continues to be.
Be blessed & until we blog again!!! Cheryl
1 comment:
Cheryl I am constanly amazed by you. Your strength and testimony are so strong. I love you more than words can express...You David Josh and Brian have added so much to my life, my families lives, and to our little piece of Heaven in Byron. Keep growing and keep learning.
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